When my daughter was 10 days old, I was admitted back into the Women’s Care Unit with suspected appendicitis. Ruby was exclusively breastfed and cluster feeding. Along with crippling abdominal pain, I was filled with fear and questions surrounding potential surgery and how that would impact our breastfeeding journey. It was New Years Eve, I hadn’t had time to express any breastmilk and I wasn’t sure of anywhere to search for donor milk.
I started to type out a message to my sister, who at the time was exclusively breastfeeding her 6 month old daughter. I planned on asking her if she would be willing to come and feed my new-born for a few hours if I needed surgery. I quickly backspaced this message. ‘No,’ I shook my head, ‘I’m sure the hospital has formula available.’ Before I could even ask the question I had already decided that everyone would cringe at the idea of someone else breastfeeding my baby. So why is this?
Wet Nurses and shared feeding are not a new thing, nor is it uncommon when you really look beyond new age western culture.
I recently reached out to a local mother who has experience with shared feeding.
Stevie Giltrap is a beautiful mother of three gorgeous kids, a business owner and the co-founder of Mumhub Collective. Stevie says:
"My breastfeeding journey started almost 6 years ago after I had my son, via c-section. It came very naturally. His latch, my milk.
I never had cracked nipples, no soreness, never mastitis.
My mums friend had a baby in foster care that she was looking after. She was 4 days younger then my son, but premi and she was a Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) baby. Her kidneys were already so damaged as a new born, from all the alcohol she took in and she wasn’t feeding well. I kept offering my mums friend my expressed milk, but never came around to it. One day I popped around for a visit and thought, while I’m here, why not try to feed her? My mums friend agreed. The baby latched well. Her little mouth and tiny suckle felt so different to my greedy guts big boy. She fed well until she was full. My mums friend messaged me later that night saying that baby was the most content she’d been since being in her care, and slept all night.
I remember as soon as she latched, feeling like I was cheating on my baby, but I knew in my heart this baby needed this! It was really wholesome and quite empowering.
I continued to breastfeed my son until he was 15 months old, and still no troubles.
11 months in and my nephew was born. My sister struggled breastfeeding him and was told it’s because of his lip and tongue tie. I was at her place one day and we decided to try him on my breast. He latched really well and had a good little feed, until I think reality hit my sister and she wanted me to stop.
When my eldest daughter was born, my breastfeeding journey was a little different than with my son. My nipples were so cracked and sore and my milk came in later. My niece was born 6 days after my daughter and my sister in law and I took turns at feeding both our girls at one stage, because we were both so sore from breastfeeding. It’s didn’t phase us, baby sharing. It felt natural. We knew each other and trusted each other. We were family. I ended up breastfeeding my daughter until 19 months.
My sister is a midwife in remote Alice springs. She told me that the indigenous women there all wet nurse. Through mum, Aunties even grandma. It literally takes a village to raise a baby. Hearing this has given me a whole different perspective on wet nursing. How healthy it can be for both mum and bub. Giving mum a little break whilst she can rest & heal and knowing her baby is being looked after and fed - how amazing is that! Sounds like luxury and every mamas dream, except for the fact that western society has made it a weird and uncomfortable topic.
My 3rd bub is currently 6 months old and our feeding game is still strong. I had a similar start to my breastfeeding journey with her, as I did with my older daughter. But we’re great now. And to this day, still no Mastitis 🤞🏼
In this time, I’ve cheekily tried to feed my 18month old niece, just because. I also allowed my bub a to be fed by a friend, who needed to express but didn’t have her pump. That initially felt weird to me, but only for a second. I was working and she was being fed. I feel lucky, really, to have amazing women around me who are willing to help another mama out and help them nourish their babes when a mama can’t at that time. And what a story to tell these kids when they’re older, right!
Stevie’s story beautifully captures the importance of a village and how helpful shared breastfeeding can be, while also accepting the boundaries of other parents.
Imagine if more parents had this same support after having their child, the chance to rest and know that their baby is being cared for. I wonder how this would impact the prevalence of Post Natal Depletion/Depression.
So why is shared breastfeeding so rare within western culture? Well I see two main reasons for this: Capitalism and Lack of Support.
Before infant formula was safely brought to market, parents had no choice but to breastfeed, which is why wet nurses were so much more common. Now that formula is much easier to come by and encouraged by health professionals as the first line of defence, parents are much more likely to reach for the tin. And why are we encouraged to use formula rather than reaching out to other parents for assistance with breastfeeding? Well, for big corporations there’s no money to make in breastfeeding. And as there are less people breastfeeding, there are less people with the ability to breastfeed for others.
Of course, with a lack of support breastfeeding becomes almost impossible, let alone shared breastfeeding. Western society has strayed so far from the village mindset, birthing parents are left at home alone as their partner returns to the workforce often within two weeks. Family visit to cuddle the baby and ignore the new parents needs. We gift the parents with a baby swing so they can get housework done rather than doing the housework for them to allow them to rest and heal. Without a solid circle of support, parents feel isolated, bearing the burden of feeding alone and too anxious to ask for assistance.
Shared Breastfeeding is not going to be for everyone and that’s okay, but perhaps we need to begin to look at it as simply a natural part of the parenting village. When we begin to struggle with breastfeeding we should weigh up all of the options, including donor milk, formula, shared breastfeeding and IBCLC consultations. Let’s look past the western expectations of parenting alone and reach into our maternal roots to find our village.
My name is Ashleigh Rankin of Surrender Birth Services. I am a doula and a mother of two located on the North Coast of NSW. The journey of parenthood begins long before you step out into the world with your new born which is why it is so important to travel through pregnancy, birth and postpartum with confidence and joy. I love nothing more than to be a part of that journey and watch families flourish from day one.
For hints and tips for pregnancy, birth and postpartum, head over to my instagram @surrender.birth
To get in contact or find out more, I can be found at surrenderbirthdoula.com or by email at surrenderbirth@gmail.com.
I can’t wait to hear from you!
Ash xx